I’ve felt a lot of hurt in my life, but I think the biggest thing that my heart has gone out to is my children. I’m sure that any parent could relate, but I think my circumstance is a bit different.
I love white bread with all of my heart, I’d die for him, and the same goes for Max. But the difference is that I worry about Max more. I worry about his relationships and I worry about bullying because of his disability, but I find that the people I should be able to trust the most fail on him. Here I am crying because I’m worried about what 6th grade means for him, and he gets publicly humiliated tonight, and I did nothing.
What’s wrong with me?
I knew I should have stopped it, and I was ragging inside, but I also felt like I shouldn’t step in.
Max asked for chocolates tonight from his grandmother (right after Max’s brother did) and his grandmother poured a cup of some for him. Max wanted more and instead of simply saying “thank you,” he said, “What? That’s it? “ then he walked away. He noticeably got less than his little brother, which is why he commented. Don’t get me wrong, he should have been graceful about what he received, but come on, he knew it wasn’t fair. But this is where I should have stepped in… his grandmother called him back into the kitchen and said, “Excuse me! What did you just say? You should be more grateful!” She took his chocolates away from him and began to reprimand him in front of the whole family… 8 other adults and 5 other kids. Of course the entire room fell silent as she reprimanded him and all of us were curious about what he did wrong.
He didn’t say thank you… that was it.
But yet, he was publicly humiliated in front of all of these people. I had fire inside of me. I wanted to yell at her and tell her to stop and that she should take him to the side to talk to him, or at the very least bend down, get at his level and chat with him on a much mellower tone… but I did nothing. I half wanted someone else to step in to say something, and I half wanted to just yell and put a stop to it, but I didn’t. I didn’t do anything, and it hurts me now.
I talked to Max about remembering to say thank you and also told him that what happened was not right. I don’t want him to not listen to his grandmother, but what happened was embarrassing… it would have been embarrassing for anyone! I don’t want him to not respect his seniors, but again, I don’t want him to get walked on.
When is enough, enough?
A lot of times I feel that Max gets pressure on him because it takes him longer to get out what he wants to say. I want to jump on people when they don’t give him the time he needs, like when he’s trying to order food at a restaurant, but I also know that, that’s his reality and I can’t always be there.
So, I must let go and let him grow up, but I have such a hard time letting go, especially when we still have family that puts him down. I can’t make everyone love him… that’s up to him, I know. All I can do is support him and give him the strength in confidence he needs.
I’m worried about middle school next year. I’m worried about bullying and I’m worried about the kids bringing him down in spirits all together. He’s so amazing. He’s so awesome. I don’t want to see them break him.
Gosh, all I can say to a new parent of a disabled kid is to be prepared to worry and cry and be scared, but most of all, be the most proud parent you’ve ever been in your life!
Prayers for Max.